You have a strong desire to improve your English language skills and expand your vocabulary. Unfortunately, you don't have much free time, or all the texts you find are too long, complex, or boring. Language is a tool that can both move you to tears and make you laugh and have fun. Can a person have fun and study language at the same time? I suggest you try some jokes and funny stories that have collected the wisdom and foolishness of centuries, which can both entertain and teach you.
Take a look at the autobiography of a young man who wants to work as an employee at Mc. Donalds. His biographical data stand out for their uniqueness and originality. Would you hire him???
CURRICULUM VITAE
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Florida… and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Greg BulmashI was fired.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens
REASON FOR LEAVING:
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?'
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
ESTABLISHMENT
[is'tæbliʃmənt]
1 institution
SUBMIT
[səb'mit]
1. submit (documents etc.)
HIRE
[haiə]
to employ someone
TO APPLY FOR A JOB
[ə'plai]
apply for a job
PICKY
['piki]
fussy, hard to please
HAGGLE
['hægл]
1. bargain (with someone about/over something)
TARGET
['ta:git]
1. goal, target
MIDDLE MANAGER
[midl 'mænidʒə]
middle-level manager
HOSTILITY
[hɔ'stiliti]
1. hostility, antagonism, hatred
ACHIEVEMENT
[ə'tʃi:vmənt]
1. achievement, accomplishment
AVAILABLE
[ə'veiləbl]
1. available, on hand
CURRENT
['kʌrənt]
1. current, present
EMPLOYER
[em'plɔiə]
1. employer
PROHIBIT
[prə'hibit]
1. forbid, prohibit
AWARD
[ə'wɔ:d]
I. v bestow, grant (a prize, share, punishment), reward (with), give, provide (scholarship etc.)
II. 1. award, prize, scholarship
RECOGNITION
[,rekəg'niʃn]
3. acknowledgement, appreciation (for good work)
SWEEPSTAKE
['swi:psteik] – a lottery, sweepstakes
CLEARING-HOUSE
['kliario.haus
1. fin. central banking institution for clearing accounts
2. central organization for collecting, classifying and distributing information etc.
FABULOUS –
fabulous
WEALTHY
['welθi]
1. wealthy, rich, well-to-do
DUMB SEXY [dʌm 'seksi]
stunningly sexy
SLICED BREAD
[slaist bred]
sliced bread